I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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