apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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