Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
