I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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