yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
