the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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