yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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