she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
