My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize