I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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