i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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