I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
