I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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