kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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