meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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