I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
