If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
