come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
