those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Randomize
