adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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