i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
