two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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