Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize