Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
