sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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