we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
