and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
