I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
