Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well I just put wine in my tea
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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