i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize