community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Randomize
