wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
