who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
