that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
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All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
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Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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