Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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