Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
