hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
