Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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