Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
