It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
