so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize