Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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