carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
