my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize