you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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