I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
