Taylor Swift is so right about you.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
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Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
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The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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