How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
