i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
