we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
