Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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