your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Randomize
