is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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