I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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