Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
