If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
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small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
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Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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