Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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