How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
