can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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