I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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