We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
