in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
