You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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