We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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